Watching someone they love experience depression or suicidal thoughts can weigh heavily on support people such as family, friends and partners. Often, support people do not know what to do or say to help. This can lead to either the support person doing nothing out of fear of making the situation worse, or the support person actually making the situation worse by doing or saying something that is not helpful. I have created this list of things I find helpful during my depressive episodes. These might not be the best suggestions for everyone and the best advice I can give is to be direct and communicate with the person. Ask straight out “Are you suicidal?” “How can I be helpful to you?” “Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”. Unfortunately, you might run into a brick wall here because often my answer is a resounding “No.” Just try to be gentle and remember even if it seems like it doesn’t, small things help and do matter.
Tidy Up
When feeling depressed or suicidal small tasks can seem impossible. Clean a room, do some dishes, or put fresh sheets on their bed. Having something they are typically responsible for done for them can be a huge weight off their shoulders.
Go Outside
Getting some time in nature can have a big impact on their mood. It may take some convincing, but see if you can get them to go for a walk or sit outside for a bit. If nothing else, open some windows and let the fresh air in.
Feed Them
When I am feeling my worst I quickly get into some awful eating habits. There’s a joke about depression meals, a handful of cheerios, microwaved whatever, or earlier this week’s cold left overs. For me, anything fast and easy is the go to. Try bringing some fresh fruit or their favorite salad. Or if you’re a chef, cook them something health.
Make a Bath
The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me when I was feeling depressed is make me a bath. It can be difficult to keep healthy hygiene habits when feeling this way and not only does a bath get them clean, it can be very relaxing. Throw in some essential oils for aromatherapy and put a towel in the dryer so they aren’t cold when they come out.
Laugh
Contrary to popular belief, you can be suicidal and simultaneously enjoy a good chuckle. Look up whatever videos will make them giggle on youtube, put on a comedy movie or try some stand up. You might even make some of those good-good neurochemically thingies.
Listen
Pour two cups of tea, coffee, mik, soup, whiskey, ice cream, whatever you fancy and lend your ear. Don’t judge, don’t give advice, don’t spew toxic positivity. Just listen.
What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you when you’re depressed or suicidal?
-DQ
The Dopamine Queen 
Great article! And yes all these methods work really well when supporting someone who’s depressed or suicidal. It’s always good to keep in mind the best possible ways that we can use to help then when they are mentally down, so that our actions will truly help them to get stronger, rather than making them feel more left alone and depressed.
Have a wonderful day ♥️✨
LikeLiked by 2 people
A few years ago I started telling people to stop telling the depressed and suicidal that there are people in their life who will be hurt and miss them – this is not only not helpful but it takes the depressed down a darker road sometimes – Maybe I’ll blog about why that is sometime.
Instead I have told people to tell the depressed and suicidal how valuable they are and that that value is intrinsic within them – that no one else has that certain magic. That the depressed person is worth love and loving that they are worthy of life and that life may need to work harder to be worth of them.
Recently I had slipped into depression and they always feel like the worst one. This lasted and took a long time to bounce back into my preferred hypomania and light depression ping pong cycle. Anyway, I was deeply suicidal and had made plans, and I’m impulsive – a friend started calling me everyday and leaving messages with how much he loved me and how valuable my intrinsic nature was – his wording was always perfect and it gave me the courage to take another step.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahhh it’s a rough time for all involved but all of these are little things that would really help me. I think partners feel frustrated that they can’t do something massive and ‘fix’ you and don’t realise how much these little things help.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is great, thank you for posting! For me, comedy and music are the best bet. Sometimes when I’m starting to feel depressed I also ask friends to tell me a story, any story, and this works wonders in keeping me grounded.
LikeLike
Hello, For me it’s personal stuff – when my husband visited me in hospital he would bring a favourite hairbrush (bristle) and brush my hair. He still does it but now the brush is kept in his bedside drawer. He’ll make sure I have my special friend Norman, my much worn hedgehog soft toy. Here in Wales there’s a special word “cwtch” (pron. kooch) and it’s a very special hug. It was first described to us as the kind of hug your grandma would give you – enveloping, loving, that makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world for that person at that time. It’s even been prescribed by my psychologist for when I get an autism meltdown. As I say, special, personal stuff that reaches out without words. Love to you all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was worded perfectly. Couldnt have organized this any better myself. Keep on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Listened with out “ yeah, but”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lovely post. Such attuned compassion. Very helpful to provide support to and just be with someone in need.
Just offering that non-judgement space can make all the difference.
Peace and love,
Spence 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
After my son was born I suffered a bout of depression. My gp was brilliant, she really listened, made time to hear me out and even called me at home to check on me. My family was supportive but she made all the difference because she believed that I would recover and fortunately I did. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
An acquaintance once left a gift bag of bubble bath and a candle on my porch, when she knew I was depressed, after a miscarriage. Her note said something like, “I know this won’t fix everything for you, but maybe you can at least relax a little bit.” It meant all the more to me because we weren’t that close and she had no obligation to do it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This will be so helpful to so many people – the world needs more people like you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
just what I needed! Great article!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good article that ended with a good question. I will have to think about the answer, but off the top of my head, having someone write me a text out of the blue to ask how I am doing is always nice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
All great advice. I would agree that listening without judgement, and without trying to convince me that it was all in my imagination, that everything is fine etc, is one of the kindest things someone has done for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Both my 17 year old and myself deal with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. It’s a hard road since I have to not only be there for her but also for myself. It takes a lot out of me but I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything in the world. Like I tell her it’s because of her why I am still here. With my daughter drawing and writing helps a lot it takes her out of her thoughts. Great suggestions for those that feel lost or overwhelmed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great article!! I’m feeling suicidal and depressed, for me though what I find helps is watching comedy videos. They help a bit!
LikeLike
This has really helped my best friend as well – especially Mel Brooks. Watch them with a friend and they all get funnier!
LikeLike
Here is some beautiful practical help from gods word the Bible, I keep those suffering from depression in my prayers. It is something I have struggled with over the years but I’ve found great help through the god of all comfort. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/bible-help-depressed/#?insight%5Bsearch_id%5D=3c4d7200-e3d3-49d4-97a5-430a9e46a571&insight%5Bsearch_result_index%5D=2
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, your god then has abandoned those who commit suicide or do those who commit suicide or are caught in a years long struggle with depression just not have enough god in their life?
No. They have an illness, a misfiring brain that, if god exists, god gave to them – Isaiah 45:7
– So, what your really saying is your god can help them but doesn’t, can’t, or doesn’t know. Choose wisely.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I couldn’t have said it any better. You said exactly what went thru my mind after reading Hallie Abd’s comment. Thank you for speaking up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for writing this post. I struggle with major depression, anxiety & panic disorders, CPTSD and for nearly 2 decades was misdiagnosed as Bipolar it wasn’t until after my 12 yr old daughter died by suicide that I finally received the correct diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder aka Emotion Regulation disorder. I have been plagued with suicidal thoughts as well as made numerous attempts (some of which were lethal but they keep bringing me back) since I was 6 or 7 with my first attempt at 8. I still go thru psychotic episodes which result in me either all cut up or recovering from an overdose. There hasn’t been anyone or anything that has helped me durning my really bad & low days. My family (of which I’ve had nothing to do with in 4 1/2 yrs) all believe it is an act for attention or me just wanting drugs (medication) and with my trust issues I do not have friends and my boyfriend is about as sympathetic as a ice cube so I suffer in silence. I believe my daughter suffered silently as well she never showed one sign of being suicidal to anyone friend or family.
This post is most excellent! I believe you will help a great number of people with your advise on how to deal with someone who is suicidal/having suicidal thoughts. Maybe someone would have been there for my daughter if they came across an article like this 17 yrs ago.
Again, thank you so very much for shinning your light so brightly in this cold & callus world.
Love & Light )0(
LikeLiked by 1 person